Featured Family
The Talley Family
We are a family of five, just two parents and three children. Two are adopted; one is biological. Simple? No. Our extended families are large. Before the adoption, a poorly-attended holiday celebration included 35 people. Holidays were a well-orchestrated marathon of house-visiting and houseguests. Time not spent calculating distance and mileage per hour was spent adjusting time slots to accommodate all requests. Thank heaven for adoption. Our first holiday was Easter. My husband and I were knee-deep in precision holiday time-management when the biological grandmother of my adopted sons called to extend her invitation. My heart stopped. Of course we wanted to recognize the traditions our new sons had experienced…but WHEN? And then I realized that we would be dying eggs for three this year, not one! Time slots would have to be adjusted again! My coffee was cooling from neglect while my head was spinning and I was contemplating which teenager I might hire to dye Easter eggs for the kids while they helped Dad pick up the house so I could go buy hostess gifts for the celebrations. And then, there it was! Somewhere, even before the adoption, I had missed something. So we put away the maps and the day planners. We did something we hadn’t thought of before and asked the kids, all three of them (4, 7, and 8 years old at the time) what they wanted to do for Easter. The answers were sweet. There was nothing about fancy dinners or calibrated schedules. They wanted to dye eggs and be together. These were the two things we had left off the calendar in trying to accommodate the schedules of everyone else. So we thanked the boys and went back to the drawing board. What we came up with is an outline that has worked for every holiday ever since.
- 1. As a family of five, we participate in one traditional activity selected by each child. Occasionally, one of them even finds something new to try. Three kids means three holiday-related family activities, minimum. If there is something Mom and Dad want to do, we add that in as well.
- 2. Well in advance of the holiday, we, the parents, designate specific dates on the calendar which will be set aside for extended family. We then tell our families (his, hers and theirs) which dates we have available. Most holidays, we use one of those dates for a family open house so that everyone has the opportunity to celebrate with the children.
- 3. Finally, we have made our own Halloween tradition which is completely unique to our little family unit. I spend all day preparing a spooky meal and decorating. The kids can invite their friends for our feast, then go trick-or-treating. It has become a neighborhood tradition and the kids are really proud of it, even as they become teenagers.
Our adoption was nearly six years ago, and navigating the holidays took some time. However, it was well worth it as we have found a way that, for us, honors all our histories and our combined future.