Grantee Stories

Adoptive Families Together

Adoptive Families Together, Inc is one of the October 2004 Mini-Grant awardees. AFT is a network of adoptive families founded in Massachusetts by parents who understood the benefit of peer support while raising families with complex issues.

These statements below reflect AFT's philosophy, standards and values.

• Life does not begin with adoption. Acknowledging and appreciating our children’s origins and their losses are part of the commitment we make to them. The ability to integrate past history with present circumstances is necessary for a child to form a complete identity.
• Our heritage and traditions become part of our child’s heritage and identity, and theirs become part of our family’s. Truly accepting our children means honoring all of their connections including countries and cultures of origin.
• Families formed by adoption are different. Our families are stronger when we honor our uniqueness, not when we deny it.
• Respect for birth families, siblings, foster families, birth cultures and countries, is demonstrated by our actions and in our speech and language, whether or not our children are present. Our language reflects our behavior, feelings, attitudes and values, and affects the behavior, feelings and self-esteem of our children.
• “Behavior is the language of children.” Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao
• The details of our children’s lives are private. Their privacy and the privacy of all those connected to our children, including birth families, siblings, and foster families, is respected by honoring confidentiality of all personal information.
• Attachment is formed within a relationship of trust and is developed between a child and a family over time. It is the responsibility of the adults, not the children. No child should be expected to do this without support. No child should fear losing adoptive parents or be treated as other than a full family member.
• Among the skills and qualities we develop are empathy, flexibility, tolerance for difference, patience, persistence, and open-mindedness. Parents must learn how to discuss adoption using adoption sensitive language in order to help our children make sense of their lives.
• Educating the community about adoption and its unique challenges is vital. Losses experienced by those who were adopted, their birth families and adoptive families will affect each of us throughout our lifetimes. Some of us will be challenged less, some more.
• All treatment for children should be humane. No treatment plan or program that is coercive or has the potential to be traumatizing or re-traumatizing is humane. For this reason, AFT does not condone the use of restraint or seclusion and advocates for discontinuation of these destructive interventions.
• “Children do well when they can. If they can't, we need to figure out why so we can help." Dr. Ross Greene
• It is our responsibility as parents to advocate for change in systems and services. Adoptive families can achieve legislative and system reforms together, regardless of our different experiences of adoption.
• Parent to parent support is essential and this support should be solution-focused. Sharing ideas, information and resources help us better meet the needs of our children and families.