Grantee Stories
Anna's Story
by Rosalee Hall
When Anna reentered our lives after two years, the sweet cuddly two year old was no longer there. In her place stood a scared, standoffish, hurt and sneaky child trying to be an adult. She had experienced seven different homes in those two years and was separated from everything and everyone she had ever known.
As we began our journey as a family, the road was filled with bumps, cracks and huge mountains to cross. Anna was so unlike any of our other children—and so different from me. I tried but I couldn’t understand her. She seemed to be in a different world – one that she had created where she didn’t hurt and no one was allowed to enter. There were no hugs, kisses, or I love yous. She could scream for hours, manipulate better than most adults, and when told no, she never uttered a word. No, instead Anna would rub mud on my van, inside and out, wet her pants, or make herself throw up! I grew tired more quickly than I had ever experienced. I felt alone and so very frustrated. I had been fostering children for over six years, but I didn’t think I could do this. And I didn’t think anyone could understand. In my distress, I cried out to God to change her! And I cried for two or three weeks. Please God, just change her!
But nothing changed. And as I began another trying morning in tears, I began to ask again, “please God, change her!” But on this morning all I could hear within myself was: “Aren’t you glad I don’t love you that way?” I stopped, rocked by what I had just heard. I stopped all my cleaning and began to think about what I was asking. About how I expected to be loved just the way I was, but here was someone who happened to be different than me, with behaviors that I thought were awful, and I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) love her!
I started to change on that day. As I began to only look at the good qualities in Anna and to focus there, the behaviors became easier to ignore. I actually started seeing her world as a place that I would love to go – it looked like so much fun and a part of me was jealous.
Time kept passing and there was not much change in Anna’s behaviors. But "I" changed. And I fell in love with her!
I am the one who has changed so much and I have only Anna to thank. Love is to be unconditional in good and bad, right or wrong. She is delighted that she is part of our lives. Allowing her to be who she is and not be just like me, has taken a lot of time and a lot of tears, but has been well worth it.
Today is a school day, Watching the bus pull up, I stand and wait to hear those words that I had longed to hear. Anna is always the last of our children to get on, yelling, "Bye mom, I love you!"
All I can do is smile, lower my head, and say thank you Lord for changing my heart!
Rosalee and her husband, Steve are on the leadership committee for FOREVER FAMILIES of North Carolina, which was developed by accomplished and knowledgeable parents, people who have actually adopted and/or provided kinship to children in need. They are committed to serving families in their community, who are providing permanence to children through adoptive, kinship and guardianship placements. FOREVER FAMILIES provides a network of support, encouragement and fellowship. They work together to access resources, both locally and nationally so the children will have a better chance of having and keeping a family of their own. They are currently working with fifteen families who together are raising 58 children. FOREVER FAMILIES has a mini-grant from the Collaboration to AdoptUsKids.