Grantee Stories
Family Experiences Through the Eyes of Adoption
by Terri Bailey
In the fall of 1987, we, Brian and Terri Bailey became foster parents as part of a new program in Iowa called Treatment Foster Care. Our two birth sons were ages nine & seven, each boy very familiar with living in a house filled with children since their mother’s job was daycare. The youngest, Matthew, was a handful. Diagnosed at an early age with ADHD, we received “on the job training” while raising our special needs child. Jason, his brother, would save his challenging behaviors for his teen and young adult years.
Since we were a treatment foster family, new placements came with an assortment of diagnosis: Manic Depression, Bipolar, Post Traumatic Stress, and Oppositional Defiance to name a few. There were so many that I began to attend classes on brain disorders from the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. Throughout the years children returned to their birth families or moved on to other adoptive families. We never considered adoption until one day an emergency placement fifteen days before Christmas changed all that.
Two little girls, ages twelve and five, joined our family. Their family was torn because of drugs and alcohol. Their mother had fled to a shelter, protecting herself and her four children from their father’s domestic abuse. Kidnapped from school by their father, the children were taken to a different state to live with their grandmother. Social services feared for the children’s safety so they retrieved the children and returned them to Iowa, placing two of the four with us. Two years later, there was room for their ten year old brother and the plan was to reunite the children with their mother. Reunification was never achieved because their birth mother died suddenly of liver failure. Unfortunately, the birth father resided in the different state, never using the suggested services to regain custody of his children.
Four years after placement the children were available for adoption. We couldn’t imagine our life without them so they became a permanent part of the “Bailey Bunch.” Their place in our family was a natural transition and we forget how long they’ve been with us. To us, they’ve always been here. Several other teens that have grown up in our family are young adults now and are still an active part of the family. For various reasons they chose not to be adopted on paper, merely forever adopted into our hearts. They visit and call on a regular basis, sometimes to ask for advice when repairing a car or needing to save money when washing their laundry. Always making the extra effort to attend Sunday dinners and holidays, this house is a busy home! Nothing can replace their laughter as they tell childhood stories to the teens still living at home, sharing family memories of football games and snowball fights.
Iowa is full of families who have been blessed with special needs adoptions. Our children face the daily challenges of therapy, learning disabilities, medical needs and more. The trauma they’ve suffered has caused Attachment Disorders, creating major trust issues between the kids and parents. It’s a hard job, but returns on this investment are well worth the effort. Recently, a child who had left on uncertain terms called to say “I miss you.” He has turned his life around with the help of God and a family who cared for him when he needed them. “I just want you to know”, he said “that without you, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.” “Neither would I,” I told him.